Building a Loving Relationship That Lasts - An alternate perspective

Imagine this scenario unfolding where a guy is hoping to start a loving relationship with someone he loves deeply...

That look on his face said it all. The deep yearning eyes, the soft caressing hands, the nervous vulnerable smile…

I could see what was coming.

This gorgeous man, the one who gave me goosebumps every time my phone rang, he was sharing how he was falling in love with me.

My heart was racing in delight, swooning and dancing with excitement. My imagination was already scripting a wondrous daydream of the two of us.

The more he talked about how he was falling in love for me, the bigger my smile became. Brimming with passion, he shared how his heart no longer belonged to him but was mine to cherish forever, to give love and happiness for the rest of our lives.

Wait! What???

He seemed confused. Surely, he was promising nothing wrong. He was devotedly saying that his heart was completely mine now, his happiness and desires were entwined with mine forever.

And that’s very endearing and incredibly romantic. But No. No.

I love you too and I want to be with you, truly, madly, and, deeply. But there’s a difference...

I love you now and I’ll support you in whatever you want to do. I’ll wish you well and care for you even when we fight. Each day, every day, I’ll try to live an amazingly beautiful life with you.

But, and a big BUT at that, I don’t want to be your ultimate pillar.

I don’t want to live your life for you. I want to be busy living mine.

I want a best friend for life, the sorts where you banter over stuff but you stay who you want to be, where you know that you’ve got each other’s back. I want you to strive for your dreams even if I’m not on board.

And heavenly please, I want you to hold onto the power of your blessedness, because that’s not mine and because I will never be able to handle it for you.

How about we both promise very simply to hold our own space, and be best friends instead? This statement doesn’t have the exuberant flair of a romantic fairytale, but it has the practical basics that might last a lifetime.

The Science - Why Self-Love is Your Secret Cupid?

The most romantic relationship you can have is with yourself. There is plenty of research that shows that self-love and self-care are the cornerstones for a sizzling, soul-satisfying love life.

Study 1: "Embodied self-other overlap in romantic love"

Laurie Cameron serves up a buffet of wisdom, suggesting that self-compassion improves not just your individual well-being but also the quality of your relationships.

Study 2: "Self-Compassion and Compassionate Love Are Positively Associated with Sexual and Relational Well-Being Among Expectant and New Parent Couples"

During pregnancy, couples who practiced both self-compassion and compassionate love felt more satisfied in their relationship and had less sexual distress. In layman’s terms, they were still passing love notes, not just baby wipes.

Study 3: "Mindfulness and Self-Compassion as Predictors of Psychological Wellbeing in Long-Term Meditators and Matched Nonmeditators"

Kirby & Co. turn up the zen with this study, revealing that those who practice mindfulness show better psychological well-being and—you guessed it—better relationships!

10 Secrets to Building a Loving Relationship That Lasts

Building a loving relationship starts with loving yourself first. It's like putting on your oxygen mask before helping others. Ready to explore the magical world of self-love and how it blossoms into a beautiful relationship? Let's go!

Love Yourself First: The Heart of the Matter

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." – Buddha

Embrace yourself, warts and all! Loving yourself sets the stage for loving others. It's like planting a seed that grows into a beautiful love tree.

Communication: Speak Your Heart

Talk openly, listen actively, and don't forget to express what YOU need. Understand your feelings, express your needs, and encourage your partner to do the same.

Understanding yourself helps in understanding your partner. It's like having a heart-to-heart chat where both hearts are listening.

Remember, it's not just about talking; it's about understanding.

As George Bernard Shaw said, "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."

Respect: Honor Yourself and Your Partner

Respecting yourself means honoring your feelings, needs, and boundaries. Extend the same courtesy to your partner. It's the golden rule of love.

It's a mutual understanding where both parties feel valued and cared for. As Aretha Franklin sang, all we need is a little "R-E-S-P-E-C-T!"

Quality Time: With Yourself and Each Other

Balance time between nurturing yourself and your relationship. Enjoy solo hobbies and shared activities.

It's like having the best of both worlds - having a date with yourself and your love.

Oprah Winfrey once said, "Alone time is when I distance myself from the voices of the world so I can hear my own."

Trust: In Yourself and in Love

Trust your instincts, trust your partner, and trust the process of love. It's the invisible thread that weaves everything together.

Building trust takes time, but it's worth every second.

Ernest Hemingway wisely noted, "The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them."

Keep the Romance Alive: For Yourself and Your Love

Treat yourself to self-care days and surprise your partner with love notes. Romance isn't just for couples; it's for you too! Never let the spark die.

As Nicholas Sparks wrote, "Romance is thinking about your significant other when you are supposed to be thinking about something else."

Support: Be Your Own Cheerleader and Theirs

Support your dreams and theirs. It's a partnership where you both grow, inspired by self-love and mutual encouragement.

Celebrate successes, big or small, and be there during failures. It's a partnership where growth is inspired by self-love and mutual encouragement.

Helen Keller said it best: "Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much."

Forgiveness: Start with Yourself

Forgive yourself for mistakes and imperfections, and extend that forgiveness to your partner. It's a healing process that strengthens the relationship. Mistakes are lessons, not life sentences.

Maya Angelou beautifully expressed, "It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive."

Grow Together: Embrace Change

Life's a journey, and change is inevitable. Grow, adapt, and embrace changes, all while staying true to yourself and your partner. It's a dance where both lead and follow.

Mahatma Gandhi once said, "Be the change that you wish to see in the world."

Laughter: The Joy of Being You

Laugh at yourself, laugh with them, and embrace the joy of being uniquely you. Share that joy in the relationship, and keep the love fresh and vibrant.

Charlie Chaplin knew the power of laughter: "A day without laughter is a day wasted."

Get Ready to Transform Your Life Like Never Before

Ever feel like life is stuck on repeat? Shake things up with our Life Makeover program!

Conclusion

Building a loving relationship that lasts is all about loving yourself first and then extending that love to your partner.

It's a beautiful dance where self-love leads, and mutual love follows.

So, put on your dancing shoes, love yourself like never before, and watch how it transforms your relationship!

Bonus: Love Mantras for You

• "I love myself, and that love overflows into everything I do."

• "Loving myself is the key to a healthy, loving relationship."